Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Testimony!

In a round about way I was asked my testimony today. It was not asked in a manner that I had to produce it verbally on the spot. The question came on paper with a limited amount of space for a response. Not feeling like I truly gave it justice in my tiny print I decided to let my fingers flow.

I was baptized on my 9th birthday at First Baptist Church in Denver City, TX. The same church where my parents were married, my grandparents on both sides taught Sunday school, and both grandfathers were deacons. I continued my spiritual growth there throughout middle and high school then went off to college. I met my future husband and we enjoyed many years together before starting a family. During that time I also lost my mother to breast cancer. I was 19 at the time, and can honestly say that I did not handle my mothers passing like an adult. I caused my share of problems for my family, and over time had to face and deal with them. Spiritually these were not my best times. I had grown up in the church so I knew what a was expected socially from a Christian. I became a punch your card on Sundays kind of follower. Daily devotions, Bible reading, and praying were far from my thought process on any given day. I was a jealous Christian as well, and of the worst possible kind. My jealousy came as an internal wanting of my husbands devotion and relationship with God. I felt like he had something I didn't.

After years of wanting something more as a Christian but not being willing to put forth my own time and effort I was given an open door. I was invited to a women's Bible study called SOS in Denver City. The first time I went JB went with me because I was still nursing him. I fell in love, and thus began my renewing of my Christianity. I did not know what to do first. They talked about prayer journals, reading your Bible, becoming a strong Christian woman. All I could think of though was how I really disliked reading my Bible because it just did not make sense. I knew all the stories but everything else was so boring and most of the time I would fall asleep or I could not remember what I had just read. If I was really going to do something it needed to be different than what I was continuously failing at. The first thing I did was ask Daun for a book to read. Daun handed me "A Gentle and Quiet Spirit." I tried to look on Amazon to give you a link, but its been so long I'm not sure which one I read. The book is based on 1 Peter 3.

1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

As a very outspoken matter of fact personality this book was not what I was wanting to read as my first try at getting this God stuff right. By the end of the book I started to realize that God did not want me to fail, he wanted me to succeed. In order for me to succeed though I had to change. The ME that was dominant in my life had to start playing second fiddle to something bigger and better. If I listened and applied what I was learning ME could become what God has always desired of Betsey.

Over the next several years I started to change. I went from being on the defensive to enjoying life. I still struggle at times with getting everything right, and I know I always will. The changes God started then have truly changed me as a person. The Betsey of my teenage and college years would never have been comfortable typing her testimony much less telling it. The change for me has been impressive looking back on it now, but what I am looking forward to is what God is allowing me to do now.

Since I was tested for my BRCA mutation in December of 2009 God has placed in front of me opportunities that I otherwise would not have had. He has used my genetic mutation to build me up and allow me to tell others what He has done for me. After my first year of blogging I did not know what path I would end up taking. I was working on getting into nursing school for a while, but God had another idea. God's idea now goes by the name of Charlie, and he is truly a blessing. I took most of the time I was pregnant with Charlie off from BRCA investigations and blogging. Once again as the new year approached I was unsure as to what would happen with my blog and with my passion for BRCA mutations and learning more.

Looking back on the past two years now, I realize that God was opening and closing doors every step of the way. He wants me to blog and talk to people and continue to share my faith with others. I am human though, and if he feels the need to take control he does. God needed me to step back and reevaluate a few things last year. His plans were not for me to go to nursing school, and He slammed the door shut with a little surprise named Charlie. My focus must first be on God and it wasn't. It was on ME, that terrible thing that always gets in the way. I love to sit down at the computer and pound out an informative rambling for everyone to enjoy, but even when blogging I must remember that God comes first.

God has taken me from a meek and timid seedling to a confident follower who gives you a piece of what He has given me! I am not as well versed as I'd like to be, or deeply intimidating with memorized scripture, but God gives me everything I need to show others what He has done for me. I have a Heavenly Father who can use little ole me who still flips to the front of the Bible to find a chapter if needed to show you His love!


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